Smoking Fetish

Smoking fetish is one of those delightful things in which time seems to stand still during play. The passage of time only marked by the flammable in hand slowly burning away. The ash rubbed onto skin, the cherry burning hair, the butt set deeply on a tongue. We both watch in delight in the still room as the smoke curls in the air after a sensuous escape from My mouth, or french inhaled by nose. How does this fetish grab at us? Is it the sensuality? Is it the forced inhalation of cancerous smoke? Is it the danger associated, the panther temperament of a film noir beauty? Its all those things.

It is beautiful to watch, playing with vapours, steam, bubbles, all things transitionary and momentary that can be manipulated with our mouths or hands delights us at our childlike centers. We are hypnotised by the movement of smoke and it holds our attention for the brief amount of time smoking takes. Perhaps it was too in our childhoods where we witnessed bad boys or girls smoking, knowing that our goodness was so close to a drawbridge that would take us on adventures. As teenagers, wasn't it always the bad kids, the troublemakers, the ones who first started experimenting with drugs and violence and sex that smoked? We desired that rebellion for ourselves but were too timid to try. I did not view smoking in this light as I was the bad girl, the one not afraid to get in fights, who wouldn't back down, who wasn't afraid to be confident and sexual. I was the bad girl you watched smoke at a distance.

I've tried cigarettes and they are garbage. I have moved on to more sophisticated products to indulge in. I learned from a few sophisticated gents from cigar lounges in NYC the art of cigar smoking, I roll joints with raw hemp papers and love the thick smoke and full flavour of clove cigarettes, now harder to find, how I miss them.

The darkness that surrounds the dimly lit, late night smoke I find arousing. The focus in this moment of reprieve in which is surely a rare peaceful moment in this person's chaos is something beautiful to behold.

I have had many smoking fetish sessions and in fact My first professional session as a Dominatrix was a smoking fetish session. That will have to be another entry.

Paying Deposits for Time/Session

I have noticed, as most Pro-Dommes have that there is a reticent population of clients that do not believe in paying deposits. They have many reasons why they don't want to do it which usually indicate to the Domme that the communication exchange was a time suck. The client finds out information and attempts scheduling (all of which on our side involve planning and work) just to say that in the end they don't trust that the Domme is the real deal. This is a major point of frustration. Dommes that are professional with good reputations will expect a deposit. If they ask you for a deposit or references, you need to provide one or both of these things. This is to ensure the trust and safety of your interaction. If you (as a potential client) are worried that a Domme wants a deposit simply to take your money from you, know that the dynamic you are entering into, you are putting her in a position of power, you will be following her rules and if you cannot comply with her rules from the get-go, you will not have a good experience or any experience at all, instead wanking your flesh extension in between your legs. (Not as good a time!) I cannot speak for other Dommes but I would speculate that if they do not specify that a certain deposit is required, this leaves you (as the potential client) some flexibility on how you give that deposit, both in type and amount. I highly prefer deposits but I do not specify an amount or type until it is discussed because I want to allow for that flexibility. It is not My initial aim to take all your money from you, (unless you are into that kind of thing, then I will enjoy our further fetish play. see: Financial Domination). My aim is to develop trust and create a platform in which to build our interaction. If you found a Woman you desire and want to spend more time with Her, the social custom is to typically take her out for a drink or two to learn if you want to pursue something further and she returns said interest. How much does that cost you? Ten, $20? If you think nothing of making that investment on a strange Woman, why would making that same investment be something you are unwilling to give a professional Dominatrix? Clearly its because you have no intention of following through. Dommes want to spend time and have sessions with people who have a genuine interest in them. It is disrespectful to contact a Domme when you do not have the mental/emotional/fiscal ability to follow through in meeting Her. If you are not ready to make that step then admire Her from afar until you are ready. Read, appreciate Her with more then your chiclet in hand. Also important to note is there are tons of different ways to give a deposit to a Domme; multiple platforms to send cash or credit and a great many more websites in which you can send a gift card. If a Domme requires a certain deposit amount but you can spare only small increments at a time, express that to the Domme and see if she is willing to put small amounts towards a deposit and/or session then over time you will develop trust with your kink provider and also be meeting Her requirements within your abilities. Dominas are not unreasonable people, but jack-asses sorely press our patience and thus the need to have very firm boundaries about how you interact with us. Let's have a deposit scenario: you-latex fetish, want to have a session with Me. As an alternative to sending Me cash, you can give Me an etsy gift card. I have a collection of unique pieces I want to build My latex wardrobe. If your deposit (in one go or slowly over time) buys one of those pieces, then I will be happy to have something I want and we will be able to enjoy said latex together in our session. I will appreciate the thoughtfulness. (Admire latex I desire here: http://etsy.me/2xnv0iI) It's not hard and we aren't all trying to rob you. If you are unwilling to pay deposits, you might want to have a hard look at yourself and why you don't trust others or your inability to engage in intimate interactions with others.

Cis Gender and Trans Gender

I recently had an interaction that went sour and think an expression of it may help Me learn more. I was not very close to this individual but for a time they seemed comfortable opening up to Me. This person identified as transgendered, then went through a procedure to continue on their path to become a Woman. I admit that even though I am far more educated then the average individual about sexuality, sexual identity, sex abuse issues and various ways of sexual and gender expression, I feel I fall short in My interactions with transgendered individuals. I have even been met with surprisingly aggressive responses because I did or said something I was unaware was inappropriate. I continue to try to learn and respect individual expression but when often met with short tempered attacks, it makes it difficult to get a clear idea of what is right, wrong or current in the transgendered scene. I didn't even realise that earlier today that cisgender is what before was male or female. Cisgender being a term for those that identify as the sexuality they were born with. For example: I was born female and I feel I am a Woman. I do not feel cisgender applies because I have a fluid and specific form of sexual expression. Transgender is the spectrum term for everything else.

I found this article to helpful and more descriptive that I could be on the topic: http://www.advocate.com/transgender/2015/07/31/true-meaning-word-cisgender

Additionally this article:
http://www.nationalreview.com/article/378511/cis-ridiculous-christine-sisto

The issue I have is that I think that people may identify as they choose and feels honest to them. When one feels strength and confidence in who they are it creates a grounded person who can continue to build calm and personal strength. When someone attacks another physically or verbally, it creates a divide, especially if the attacks is creating further boundaries. Ignorance should not be met with aggression, it should be educated. I advocate this for as brilliant as I may be, I do have conflicts because I am ignorant about any number of things, including gender, race, politics, religion. We all have the potential to be ignorant in these spheres. I advocate for patience and the education of ignorance even if you are met with a wall. The pleasant interaction will stay with them and they will think of your words, not move further away from accepting you and the ideals you want to put into the world.

Indeed when I hear the word "cisgender" it has a negative connotation and was used against me without my knowing its meaning. Advocate contributor and transgender Navy veteran Brynn Tannehill argues that: "When someone is referred to as a 'cisgender lesbian' or 'cis gay man' by a transgender person, it is often in a negative way," Tannehill posits. "The addition of 'cis' or 'cisgender' is used to imply a certain level of contempt and a desire that they leave discussions on transgender issues. It also implies that they don't, can't, or won't ever understand transgender issues."

I was involved in LGBT conversations and communities as a young teenager and continued along with the culture, but often felt pushed out because I didn't identify in a way that was accepted by the community itself. I identified as bisexual for many years but was rejected for being "selfish", once I learned that queer fit more into My sexual identity I was met with raised eyebrows and questioned if that meant I was a lesbian. Once I started experimenting with BDSM and felt exhilarated by My comfortability and satisfaction in My being a Dominant, I was met by those that thought I would be submissive to them because of My calm and lovely demeanour. I was not angry with these people who were ignorant of My sexual and gender expression because I know it takes time to learn for everyone. I need to be able to communicate who I am and someone has to want to learn. These situations do not happen often but are rewarding when they do. We all need patience in others without condemnation or concrete generalisations. 

None of us are as we look, we are as we express ourselves to be. When met with ignorance or in ownership of it, be patience and ask good questions. 

I see evidence of white privilege. I learn more and do my best to accept how my life is so very different and easier as a white Woman then minorities and black people in the united states. I have a great teacher for these issues who is patient is willing to teach past My ignorance. 

The privilege of My sexuality? It is not fluid. The "cisgender" labelling is not appropriate and Women are constantly oppressed. Our sexuality, our reproductive abilities, our labor and skill is considered property, as livestock in some places in the world. I am Domina, I exist to teach the world to be better, to communicate effectively and without harm. To treat each other with respect and not waste our resources like it is a right. Wealth creates privilege, know your personal wealth.