There is a lot of confusion once people start to enter the world of BDSM. A large part of that is learning the vocabulary, the diction and grammar, titles when referring to others. Each means something different. How you refer to them shows a respect, a modicum of behavior and a knowledge of the very small public realm in which BDSM relations reside. For example, if you are communicating to/with a female supremacist you should always capitalize her name or any pronoun in reference to her. One should always be respectful and when in doubt, show humility when talking to someone you consider your superior or are considering to act as your superior. You may even go so far as to always use a lower case letter for your own name or any pronoun you use when referring to oneself. Formal letter formats are always appreciated and will go a long way, much further than: "what are your rates and availability". We are not take out. You do not order us online even if you found us there. Dominants are very real people and can either bring you up or pull you down. Do not tempt us to treat you in a way in which neither of us will favor.
Now there are nuances to each Dominant title. To start a Dominant is an individual who takes charge of a situation whether it has a sexual context or not. A male Dominant is a Dom, master or sir. As I am not a male Dominant I could not tell you the nuances of each of those titles. Within the female realm there is Domme, Domina, Mistress, Madam, Dominatrix and certainly more beyond that. A Domme is simply short for female Dominant. Domme is a proper and safe default if you are unsure how to refer to your prospective Dominant female. She will choose her own title. A Domina is a Dominant female that assumes/is this role in her private and professional life. A Dominatrix is a woman who is a purveyor of kink, she professionally creates BDSM scenes. A Dominatrix may or may not engage in kink in her own life, but I find these ladies rarely fit the norm. A Madam, also referred to as a Head-Mistress, take charge well and efficiently. She is the Domme that can coolly hold authority over other Dommes. She is typically charming and seductive and will take no bullshit from you. She believes in protocol and often is the classy sort of lady. I have had several conversations about the word 'Mistress'. Many that refer to themselves as Mistress are quite proud of and embrace the title. They refer to the historical context of it which is an important and empowering one, but as I cannot live within that context (would I could!), I find it does not sit well with me. I belong to no man. I am not nor will I ever be the woman on the side. I am not content to be any less than the main focus of any of my partners. So you see, being a mistress is not for me. I am a Domina. I am proudly a Domina. I assume power and authority naturally and my intensity cannot be subdued even when I try. I have always been Dominant. I have always engaged in kink without realizing that is was something more than fun I was having or the way things ought to be. Now, f5 years I have been a professional Dominant and I cannot imagine that my power and skills within BDSM will wane, they will grow and lap against society like the tide.
I am sure there are titles I do not know or did not include within this entry, perhaps my definition of each is not the perceived definition of another. I can only tell you what I know other Dominants to be. In the future, take a moment of consideration and give the proper respect to your Dominant.
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