Titles, titles, titles......Domme, Domina, Dominatrix, Mistress.....by Claudia Typhoon

There is a lot of confusion once people start to enter the world of BDSM. A large part of that is learning the vocabulary, the diction and grammar, titles when referring to others. Each means something different. How you refer to them shows a respect, a modicum of behavior and a knowledge of the very small public realm in which BDSM relations reside. For example, if you are communicating to/with a female supremacist you should always capitalize her name or any pronoun in reference to her. One should always be respectful and when in doubt, show humility when talking to someone you consider your superior or are considering to act as your superior. You may even go so far as to always use a lower case letter for your own name or any pronoun you use when referring to oneself. Formal letter formats are always appreciated and will go a long way, much further than: "what are your rates and availability". We are not take out. You do not order us online even if you found us there. Dominants are very real people and can either bring you up or pull you down. Do not tempt us to treat you in a way in which neither of us will favor.

Now there are nuances to each Dominant title. To start a Dominant is an individual who takes charge of a situation whether it has a sexual context or not. A male Dominant is a Dom, master or sir. As I am not a male Dominant I could not tell you the nuances of each of those titles. Within the female realm there is Domme, Domina, Mistress, Madam, Dominatrix and certainly more beyond that. A Domme is simply short for female Dominant. Domme is a proper and safe default if you are unsure how to refer to your prospective Dominant female. She will choose her own title. A Domina is a Dominant female that assumes/is this role in her private and professional life. A Dominatrix is a woman who is a purveyor of kink, she professionally creates BDSM scenes. A Dominatrix may or may not engage in kink in her own life, but I find these ladies rarely fit the norm. A Madam, also referred to as a Head-Mistress, take charge well and efficiently. She is the Domme that can coolly hold authority over other Dommes. She is typically charming and seductive and will take no bullshit from you. She believes in protocol and often is the classy sort of lady. I have had several conversations about the word 'Mistress'. Many that refer to themselves as Mistress are quite proud of and embrace the title. They refer to the historical context of it which is an important and empowering one, but as I cannot live within that context (would I could!), I find it does not sit well with me. I belong to no man. I am not nor will I ever be the woman on the side. I am not content to be any less than the main focus of any of my partners. So you see, being a mistress is not for me. I am a Domina. I am proudly a Domina. I assume power and authority naturally and my intensity cannot be subdued even when I try. I have always been Dominant. I have always engaged in kink without realizing that is was something more than fun I was having or the way things ought to be. Now, f5 years I have been a professional Dominant and I cannot imagine that my power and skills within BDSM will wane, they will grow and lap against society like the tide.

I am sure there are titles I do not know or did not include within this entry, perhaps my definition of each is not the perceived definition of another. I can only tell you what I know other Dominants to be. In the future, take a moment of consideration and give the proper respect to your Dominant.

"Career Call"-article for loyola university's LGBTIQ publication, part 2 by Claudia Typhoon

I assure you its not the most glamorous of occupations at all times.  I spent a lot of time writing emails and scheduling sessions.  I put a ad about once or twice a month.  I have a session at least once a week, as an independent in nyc that means $100-$300 per session.  (Industry standard currently but as a Domme becomes more skilled and gains time and experience, a rate sure to rise.)  Granted I get lots of spare time because of this to plan my Domme career, work on my art projects, socialize and such, but being an Domina is not a guaranteed income and that is hard for a lot of people.  To be a successful Domme you need to have a website, videos, perhaps sell “merchandise,” feature in magazines, model, et cetera.  This is what I am working on currently and will continue to build my reputation.

Being a Domme doesn’t simply mean that I whip people and bind them in chains.  I can’t remember the last time I’ve used if even seen either.  Being, becoming, and maintaining as a Dominatrix comes with the understanding of and climbing a very steep learning curve.  Other Dominas don’t want to give out their knowledge as its hard to come by and they do not want to encourage competition.  Also, being a  Dominant means that you need to be empathetic, able to read body language exceedingly well, and have a at least base knowledge of psychology.  Understanding how the experiences people go through shape them sexually is very important.  Each person is unique, but over time you will notice certain patterns emerge.  For example, people in powerful positions tend to be submissive in their sex lives because they need somewhere they can be vulnerable and have someone else take charge and make decisions.

Domina, Domme, Dom, Dominatrix, Dominant.  These words seem interchangeable but carry with them subtlties.  A Dominant is a person in a social or sexual situation that is in the position of power.  A Dominatrix is typically a female that practices BDSM for an income.  A Dominatrix may or may not enjoy BDSM in her own life.  A Domme is a female Dominant, a Dom, a male Dominant.  A Domina (which I identify as), is a female that practices BDSM both professionally and in her private life.  I’m sure you also notice that the D is capitalized.  In D/s, BDSM conversations it is typical to have the Dominant person indentified as being the person in power by capitalizing the D or the letter(s) of their name.  The submissive shows their position by referring to themselves in lower case or using language that places them as being the person that does not make decisions or holds any power within the D/s relationship.  Interestingly enough, the submissive holds a great deal of power within the D/s relationship.  I find that the submissive is the medium in which I express my sexuality.  The D/s dynamic is a beautiful and fulfilling when the chemistry is right between two individuals. 

"Career Call"-article for loyola university's LGBTIQ publication, part 1 by Claudia Typhoon

Becoming a professional Dominant is a pretty straightforward path.  For me it certainly was, which I take it to mean it was meant to be.  I had been interested in BDSM since I found out about it at 15.  Once I had moved to NYC, becoming a professional Dominatrix seemed to be something more attainable than the South I was raised in.

One day while looking for jobs on Craigslist I found an ad for women to work at a dungeon in Manhattan, no experience necessary.   I called and set up an appointment for a few days later.  The large and unfriendly woman asked me a series of questions; “what’s your level of experience, knowledge, interest in BDSM?”  BDSM meaning Bondage, Domination, Sado-Masochism.  She seemed to be testing me, watching my body language as she informed me that I had to be comfortable with bodily fluids and touching the assholes and such of strange men.  Later this would equate to a handshake instead of an eye-brow raising comment.  When she felt satisfied that I do not scare easily, she set up my schedule with me.  I would work at least 3, 8 hour shifts per week.  No guarantee of income, but $80 per session with potential for tips outside of that.  The dungeon charged $220 per session, (industry standard is currently $250 in NYC), the dungeon kept the other $140.  Since I had two other jobs at the time, I wasn’t worried about making money.

Dominant women, much like typical men in positions of power, are competitive and have erect egos that tend to bump into others and become irate when others do not move from their path.  I chose to remain quiet and out of the way my first few weeks, asking questions of the other women I felt may actually give me information instead of angry blast of insults.

My first session was a smoking session.  Something I enjoy, but my first was a departure from any subsequent ones I would have.  This was a forced inhalation smoking session.  The gentleman (who was a very lovely man) had an apparatus that was strapped to his face.  There was a tube that led to his mouth and nose.  He could only take in air through this hose.  I smoke cloves occasionally, but I loathe cigarettes. I figured I could pull the cigarette smoke into my cheeks and blow it into the tube without inhaling much smoke.  It made my nose run terribly, which I blew into my hand and smeared on his thighs. He thought that action wonderful.  We both laughed and had a great time.  I felt I had a great session, but when I got home later, I had an asthma attack like no other.  I couldn’t take in air and my roommates called the EMTs to give me oxygen.  This reinforced my hatred of cigarettes; but hooked me on becoming a Dominatrix.  For the next few years I would work professionally both in and out of a dungeon setting as a Domme.  I find my occupation to be a very satisfying one. Each new interaction, each new session I learn more about sexuality, myself, and how no one has “normal sex.”

Starter Prose by Claudia Typhoon

I see nothing but sounds. I eat. eat. eat. touch colors stroking sadness & mysticism. I’m bound in cake & nylon & sadness prevails over whispers of compassion as I gain the fortitude of an unkempt dragon. whispers. answers whispers. soft glows pulse warm from around the corner in which I lie. steal. stole. past tense, future prose. anything goes in this room in which I surrender. pause given at yellow, red halts the barrage of sexual creativity. I’m lost and found here, so close to the ground. my face is so intimate to the cool wood floor. the echos of momentum lasting years or more. such clean & exacting filth. let it ride, let glide.  Thrust in side & touch me deeply as I’m sleepy & leave cause against my thigh. Publicly naked & fully clothed.