tips for starting Dominatrices by Claudia Typhoon

now, to be a Domme in NYC know that there are already a lot of very skilled Dommes here. it is a hard place to start. when starting out you will have that shiny new girl finish and if you are without a strong disposition and a true love of kink, you will not last long. you will be naive and clients will try to take advantage as much as possible. they are like children and dogs, they must be reminded and punished appropriately and often. the further along you get, the better you will get at this. some people are naturals at discipline and behaviour modification, others are naturals at humiliation, corporal, and so forth. you will find your niche. (more on finding you niche in another entry.)

I highly suggest starting at a dungeon because it will give you a crash course and you will have more experiences Dommes to learn from and work with. I'm still in touch with Dommes I worked with when I started years ago. Dommes are my favorite kinds of people. (another entry) if you do not feel this is for you, see if a more experienced Domme will take you under his/her wing. choose carefully. this person will have a huge impact on how you develop as a Dominant. it will not be unheard of for you to serve your Dominant mentor as a submissive. Some Dominant personalities could never serve as a submissive, they just don't have the capacity. I suggest it because being able to have that empathy for your slave/sub/bottom is extremely important. I think that understanding that trust and humility as a Dominant can make someone a wonderful and powerful Dominant. the best Dominants I have ever met are sweethearts, teddy bears and generous. they understand power exchange and will not hesitate to put you in your place if needed.

EXPERIMENT! FOR THE SWEET LOVE OF CHRIST EXPERIMENT!

some things will not be for you. some things will definitely not be for you! but you will never truly learn what you love, hate, and excel at if you do not try things. do it slowly and at your pace. choose partners you can trust and communicate well with. I try things I know I will probably hate with an open mind. you never know, the right experience can really be eye opening.

example: I used to hate my feet being touched. it would make me angry; but since I have such beautiful, well-formed feet, I got tons of request for foot worship so I decided to give it a try. now foot worship is one of my favorite things to incorporate into play. it was simply that my feet were incredibly sensitive so for me in seemed invasive. now, its incredible intimate.

and ask questions, tons of questions. be a 2-year old again. why? how? why again. learn the motivation, the sensation of activities.

read! there is now a ton of literature out there. the more you read, the more experience you gain, the more you will be able to establish what is good information and inaccurate information. same goes for porn. I love porn, but some BDSM porn does not accurately display what will be going on in a session with a Domme or you as a Domme. as long as you understand that, watch away!

"Career Call"-article for loyola university's LGBTIQ publication, part 2 by Claudia Typhoon

I assure you its not the most glamorous of occupations at all times.  I spent a lot of time writing emails and scheduling sessions.  I put a ad about once or twice a month.  I have a session at least once a week, as an independent in nyc that means $100-$300 per session.  (Industry standard currently but as a Domme becomes more skilled and gains time and experience, a rate sure to rise.)  Granted I get lots of spare time because of this to plan my Domme career, work on my art projects, socialize and such, but being an Domina is not a guaranteed income and that is hard for a lot of people.  To be a successful Domme you need to have a website, videos, perhaps sell “merchandise,” feature in magazines, model, et cetera.  This is what I am working on currently and will continue to build my reputation.

Being a Domme doesn’t simply mean that I whip people and bind them in chains.  I can’t remember the last time I’ve used if even seen either.  Being, becoming, and maintaining as a Dominatrix comes with the understanding of and climbing a very steep learning curve.  Other Dominas don’t want to give out their knowledge as its hard to come by and they do not want to encourage competition.  Also, being a  Dominant means that you need to be empathetic, able to read body language exceedingly well, and have a at least base knowledge of psychology.  Understanding how the experiences people go through shape them sexually is very important.  Each person is unique, but over time you will notice certain patterns emerge.  For example, people in powerful positions tend to be submissive in their sex lives because they need somewhere they can be vulnerable and have someone else take charge and make decisions.

Domina, Domme, Dom, Dominatrix, Dominant.  These words seem interchangeable but carry with them subtlties.  A Dominant is a person in a social or sexual situation that is in the position of power.  A Dominatrix is typically a female that practices BDSM for an income.  A Dominatrix may or may not enjoy BDSM in her own life.  A Domme is a female Dominant, a Dom, a male Dominant.  A Domina (which I identify as), is a female that practices BDSM both professionally and in her private life.  I’m sure you also notice that the D is capitalized.  In D/s, BDSM conversations it is typical to have the Dominant person indentified as being the person in power by capitalizing the D or the letter(s) of their name.  The submissive shows their position by referring to themselves in lower case or using language that places them as being the person that does not make decisions or holds any power within the D/s relationship.  Interestingly enough, the submissive holds a great deal of power within the D/s relationship.  I find that the submissive is the medium in which I express my sexuality.  The D/s dynamic is a beautiful and fulfilling when the chemistry is right between two individuals. 

"Career Call"-article for loyola university's LGBTIQ publication, part 1 by Claudia Typhoon

Becoming a professional Dominant is a pretty straightforward path.  For me it certainly was, which I take it to mean it was meant to be.  I had been interested in BDSM since I found out about it at 15.  Once I had moved to NYC, becoming a professional Dominatrix seemed to be something more attainable than the South I was raised in.

One day while looking for jobs on Craigslist I found an ad for women to work at a dungeon in Manhattan, no experience necessary.   I called and set up an appointment for a few days later.  The large and unfriendly woman asked me a series of questions; “what’s your level of experience, knowledge, interest in BDSM?”  BDSM meaning Bondage, Domination, Sado-Masochism.  She seemed to be testing me, watching my body language as she informed me that I had to be comfortable with bodily fluids and touching the assholes and such of strange men.  Later this would equate to a handshake instead of an eye-brow raising comment.  When she felt satisfied that I do not scare easily, she set up my schedule with me.  I would work at least 3, 8 hour shifts per week.  No guarantee of income, but $80 per session with potential for tips outside of that.  The dungeon charged $220 per session, (industry standard is currently $250 in NYC), the dungeon kept the other $140.  Since I had two other jobs at the time, I wasn’t worried about making money.

Dominant women, much like typical men in positions of power, are competitive and have erect egos that tend to bump into others and become irate when others do not move from their path.  I chose to remain quiet and out of the way my first few weeks, asking questions of the other women I felt may actually give me information instead of angry blast of insults.

My first session was a smoking session.  Something I enjoy, but my first was a departure from any subsequent ones I would have.  This was a forced inhalation smoking session.  The gentleman (who was a very lovely man) had an apparatus that was strapped to his face.  There was a tube that led to his mouth and nose.  He could only take in air through this hose.  I smoke cloves occasionally, but I loathe cigarettes. I figured I could pull the cigarette smoke into my cheeks and blow it into the tube without inhaling much smoke.  It made my nose run terribly, which I blew into my hand and smeared on his thighs. He thought that action wonderful.  We both laughed and had a great time.  I felt I had a great session, but when I got home later, I had an asthma attack like no other.  I couldn’t take in air and my roommates called the EMTs to give me oxygen.  This reinforced my hatred of cigarettes; but hooked me on becoming a Dominatrix.  For the next few years I would work professionally both in and out of a dungeon setting as a Domme.  I find my occupation to be a very satisfying one. Each new interaction, each new session I learn more about sexuality, myself, and how no one has “normal sex.”

My penis theory by Claudia Typhoon

now, in stating this theory, I know that there are always exceptions to the rule. I know because I've met them. but I find that more often than not, men that have smaller penises tend to go one of a few ways; they either focus on pleasing a woman in whatever way possible by means of oral sex or they submit to a Dominant & want to be humiliated for their penis size. most within this category are of the mindset that their small member will never please a woman via penetration so they offer themselves up to the chopping block so the speak to be used by whatever whim their Dominant chooses for them. this is a focus on mental satisfaction rather than physical and I find its pursuit interesting. most people don't realize that your stimulation and sexual appetites dwell within your brain grapes; but that is a different blog. this group of males I don't find nearly as interesting as the other, the male in power.

this is what i find to be more common, kink or no. men that are tall and well built naturally have very calm and sweet dispositions. due to their opposing size and "ideal" masculine form they do not need to assert their "maleness", nor their dominance. I'm sure you have heard of a Napoleon complex, right? more often than not, i find that shorter men feel they need to assert themselves and can be very pushy to compensate for their lack in vertical measurements. same can be said for penis size. men that are endowed typically have more relaxed dispositions than their smaller counterparts. they also are less likely to pursue positions of power. why is that? ultimately we are all competing for mates. a man that is ideal physically will not have to work as hard to achieve mates, think: athletes. when a man has a sizable cock, he typically is satisfied with a job/career that does not put him in a position of power because he doesn't need that extra help to find an ideal mate. think of powerful and successful men, now think about their spouses. often beautiful and accomplished women, correct? (at least beautiful, haha!) what drove those men to achieve? a great many things, but i assure you that cock size had something to do with it. most of the clients i see are average if not more than likely below average. i want you to keep in mind that the average size of an American melanin-challenged individual is at 5.5 inches in length. when we think of a large penis we think of a 8-10" piece of man-meat. chew on that size difference. notice i haven't even mentioned girth. the enlarged clitorises of the men that I see as submissive clients typically are lawyers, high-stakes finance, presidents, vice-presidents, CEO's of companies; think executives. these men achieve because they need to get the best mates over their endowed brethren. it levels the playing field. if you think I'm off on my assumption, ladies (and those that like penis, regardless of your sexual identity), i want you to reflect on your sexual partners; their occupations and relate it to their cock size. also consider how much you were willing to put up with for a cock you enjoyed over one that fell short. then let me know if you agree. I think you will find that your primal mind makes more choices than you are conscious of.

i know that my observation makes it sound like larger penis size is better. i know women that do prefer a average or even below average sized cock. also, the most sensitive part of a woman's vagina is the first two inches and the edge upon entry. so many woman are very satisfied with average-sized cocks. so if you know how to use it, you will be just fine.